community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
