Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
It's rum buckets o'clock
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
