I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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