I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
