I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
