she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You are a genius and a whore.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
