You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize