In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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