I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
