sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
