im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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