apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
