Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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