I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
