Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
