Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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