I could make wine with my vomit
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
