Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
