Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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