***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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