Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
