Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
