What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
