i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
