i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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