I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
