Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
