if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
