She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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