Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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