I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
