dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Quick, to the slutcave!
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Randomize
