She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
