i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
