With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
