and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
