I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
