Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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