Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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