Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
