I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
