using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
