We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
