OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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