Me too!
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Randomize
