If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize