i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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