Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
