I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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