i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Boobs speak an international language.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
