FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
