the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
