It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
