i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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