So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
it's like iHOP with fire
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
