you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
