At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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