I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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