Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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