How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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