I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize