We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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