You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
