It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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