Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize