Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
