Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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