she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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