I have demons in me.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
