he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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