he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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