someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
