im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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