There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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