So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize