And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
