That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
