So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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