just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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