Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
