Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
