1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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