my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Randomize
