I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
