I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
