exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
