My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
