but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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