Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
