Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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