things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
