garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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