Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
