did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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