im drinking this country out of the recession.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
