god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
